Brian's Movie Ratings! zomgz!

4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days:
This deserves a real review.
Elegy:
Who knew infidelity can be so dramatic??
Milk:
No dick? - . 5 stars
Rachel Getting Married:
I hope Anne dropped a few pounds, by bigmanboob2004 - Don't get me wrong i think she's beautiful the way she is and normally wouldn't need to lose a pound but if she's depicting a model she needs to get down to atleast a size 2
Reprise:
Crafty little gem!
Tropic Thunder:
I don't read the script. Script reads me.

A Christmas Tale:
Plot Keyword: Dog
Burn After Reading:
It's something isn't it? Hundred bucks, all in - not counting my labor, and the cost of the dildo. Those things aren't cheap. See, I'd like to... [pause] I'm not set up to mold hard rubbers.
Doubt:
Viola Davis was only in one scene!
The Fall:
shaneo632 - So he was a stuntman? I don't get it, I'm still kinda annoyed.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall:
Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment.
Frost/Nixon:
More Rockwell!!
Funny Games:
More like Funny GAYmes!
Get Smart:
More like Get GAY. Weak 3
Ghost Town:
I'm going to have to allow this.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army:
Better than The Dark Knight, face it.
I.O.U.S.A.:
Standard documentary Doom and Gloom affair, but clearly explains its complicated points and is fairly non-partisan and breezy.
In Bruges:
"It's an inanimate object." "You're an inanimate object!!"
Kung Fu Panda:
Po: The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at - Ow!!!
Man On Wire:
What did he do after?????
Pineapple Express:
It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb.
Profit Motive and the Whispering Wind:
Wow, that's a lot of uprisings.
The Promotion:
I'll allow it!
Role Models:
Should have liked it a little less, but I was drunk.
Slumdog Millionaire:
Stay The Hell Away From That Bike Shoppe!
Tell No One:
More like Tell No GAYS!!
Wall-E:
Cute... <3 Garlin.
Wendy & Lucy:
Wendy, Wendy left me alone.
The Wrestler:
Party like a fireman!
Zack and Miri Make a Porno:
If you ask me nicely, I will Dutch Rudder you for the rest of our lives.

Anaconda 3: Offspring:
Hilarious!
Be Kind Rewind:
That's totally non-sequitary!
Chop Shop:
More like Slap Chop!
Cloverfield:
More like would have been better if the last 10 minutes didn't exist!
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button:
Katrina, what?
The Dark Knight:
More like Batman: The Dark GAY!! Pros: Heath, Cane, Freeman, The shot of Heath walking away from the hospital, Downbeat ending. Cons: Bale, Harvey Dent character transformation, Gyllenhaal, Psychoanalytical nonsense, Nestor Carbonell guyliner. But it will satisfy 99% of the movie viewers going to see an exemplary action movie, but not the 1% going for the art they were promised.
Definitely, Maybe:
More like Definitely, GAYbe!!!!! Weak 2.5
Hancock:
2.5? More like 666
Iron Man:
Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.
Leatherheads:
Needs more zingers!!!
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist:
Something is missing.
Rambo:
Up The Violence Punx.
Step Brothers:
Dick jokes, weak 2.5.
Super High Me:
Hehehe pot!!
The Tale of Despereaux:
Justin Long was originally slated to play the title character, Despereaux.
Twilight:
Eh, I've seen worse.
Vicky Cristina Barcelona:
Rated PG-13 for mature thematic material involving sexuality, and smoking.

27 Dresses:
I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.
Bolt:
Miley Cyrus was not the first choice for Penny. Chloe Moretz voiced the entire film before Miley was placed on the project. What assholes.
Charlie Bartlett:
Would you like to talk about it??? HAH LOLOL
The House Bunny:
WHAAAT??
Igor:
Cusack, you have failed me.
Penelope:
WHAAAT??
Religulous:
Hard to watch someone you agree with fail at even preaching to the choir.
Revolutionary Road:
Tagline: How do you break free without breaking apart? By not watching this movie!!!!
Shine A Light:
Why was this made?

Filth and Wisdom:
The New Yorker's Anthony Lane panned the film, saying that "in technical terms, more professional productions than this are filmed and cut on iMovie, by ten-year-olds, a thousand times a day" and that "if the actors were paid according to their talents, they cannot have cost more than forty bucks."

Diary Of The Dead:
And I thought it was going to be an upgrade from Land Of The Dead...

The Darjeeling Limited:
More like The Darjeeling Unlimited good movieness!!!!.
Ratatouille:
This deserves a real review.

Death Proof:
Russell is back baby!
Hot Fuzz:
A half hour too long, but it feels so right. Only a slight downgrade from Shaun Of The Dead. Also, more like Hot Shit!!
Juno:
Wow she's so smart and unique and has such good zingers!!!
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters:
Rickey's World Famous Sauces
Knocked Up:
I think I remember this being a weak 3?
No Country For Old Men:
Chilling bad guy!!! Never seen such a cold and calculated performance since Nicholson in The Departed!! lol FUCK YOUR SELF LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD DICK! Maybe... maybe not... maybe fuck yourself.
Persepolis:
Only nationalism or religious ethics rally people. Weak 3.
Superbad:
I think I remember this being a 3? Also, more like SuperGAY!!!
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street:
All that blood. Poor bugger. Oh well! Also, more like Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of GAY Street!
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story:
More like Walk GAY!: The Dewey COX IN MY BUTT Story
Wristcutters - A Love Story:
Awwwwwww!

Bee Movie:
Tivo? We have "Hivo," but it's a disease. A horrible, horrible disease.
Fido:
Well, she is over sixty-five, Helen, and old people can't be trusted.
The Host:
Only a little gay.
Planet Terror:
Solid 2.5
Spider-Man 3:
More like GAY-Man 3!!!

The Brothers Solomon:
Yeah, she was hit by a bus. The bus took a pretty serious hit too. I mean she was a large girl. Comfortably in the 200's. (Yes, that was probably the best line).
Disturbia:
Tone shift! Strong 2.
Fred Claus:
Stephen Baldwin: You're not Alec!
I Am Legend:
Yawn.
The Kingdom:
Omgz people in the middle east have families just like in America????
Norbit:
Awesomely bad to a high degree. What happened to Cuba?

Mama's Boy:
Bed, Bath and Bullshit! Would be one star if it didn't have a great soundtrack: The Jam, The Ramones, Billy Bragg, Generation X, The Smiths, Morrissey, The English Beat...

Across The Universe:
Bono'd Beatles songs for a new generation!
The Last Mimzy:
wuutt

Zoo:
No.

2006 MOVIES:

A Prarie Home Companion:
A pretty magical film, APHC takes you behind the fictional scenes of the Prarie Home Companion radio show. Skillful direction and wonderful performances by every actor almost makes you forget Lily Tomlin can't sing.
Brick:
Exceptional film debut of Rian Johnson starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Lukas Hass about a Southern California high school student investigating the murder of his ex-girlfriend... yet the dialouge and plot plays out like a noir film. This is where I reference The Maltese Falcon because every other review of this movie did.
The Queen:
More like The Gay.

A Scanner Darkly:
More like A Scanner GAYly!!!!!
An Inconvenient Truth:
I thought this film was going to be this years Fahrenheit 9/11: The movie that critics give a good review to because they agree with it politcally, even though the film was medicore. But alas despite a few corny scenes used as lecture breaks, the film was informing and The Gorester kept my interest all the way through.
Babel:
More Like Gaybel.
The Departed:
CRIMINALOR COP ITDONEST MAKE A DIFENRCE FACEING A LOADED GUN OLOLZLZLZLZOL G8 TAGLINE!!
The Devil and Daniel Johnston:
Even though this guy was a total Mulder, NOT a brilliant musician like everyone says and just a crazy person, this is an affecting documentary on a strange cult figure's life and tribulatons.
Factotum:
With near-brilliant performances by Matt Dillon and Lili Taylor, Factotum plays out like a Bukowski book. Which means it can get on the repetitive side, but still an enthralling film to watch. Drunk punx.
Fuck:
Yeah, yeah, weaksauce.
For Your Consideration:
More like For Your ConsiderGAYtion.
Hard Candy:
Good thing I didn't really read the synopsis of this film before I saw it or I wouldn't have been surprised at the direction it went in. Not really a thriller like it's being touted (I'd call it an art film over thriller), it's suspenseful and well acted. Especially the opening NIGHTHAWKS diner scenes.
Jesus Camp:
fuk chistcheans!!!
Letters From Iwo Jima:
More like Letters From Iwo Gays. Best 3 star of the bunch.
Little Miss Sunshine:
This could have been a comedy for the ages if the ending was less corny, but as it stands it's a decidedly dark road trip comedy with expectional performances from Alan Arkin, Steve Carell and Greg Kinnear.
Scoop:
An undeniably cute film, it follows Woody Allen and Scarlett Johansson as they investigate the possiblity of English Lord Hugh Jackman being the Tarot Card Killer! Hilarity ensues! Woody always sees the glass half full... of poison! If he was in America he would have been the hero! Etc.!
Stranger Than Fiction:
The name of Ana Pascal's bakery is "The Uprising." Ba-Dum-Tsh.
Thank You For Smoking:
Not a masterpeice by any means, but a solid supporting cast rounded out by David Koechner, William H. Macy, Todd Lousio and Rob Lowe keep the giggles in this satire through all 90 minutes.
United 93:
omgz!! 2 soon!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe they wood make a film about nine11 it jus happened wut like 8 years ago?? holywood should ba ashamd @ themselvs i bet it wont evan have a hapy ending lik all good movie should hav!! wtf!1
V for Vendetta:
Yes, I'm surprised this upped it as well.
Wordplay:
" 'To Duel With'... hmm is 'Crossswords.' Which has in it 'crosswords'... so they're playing with us here, hehe, and that's wonderful." - Ken Burns

Apocalypto:
More like Gaylypto.
Borat:
Yeah, yeah, gay.
Casino Royale:
The middle portion of the film starring a Texas Hold 'Em table is great, but the movie would have benefitted from the climactic last action scene actually being good, and if ____ _______ didn't commit _________ for seemingly no reason. I like my Bond classy, and he ain't too classy yet!
Clerks 2:
More like Gay 2.
The Holiday:
More like The Gayiday.
Jackass Number Two:
I totally LOL'd a few tymez.
I Am A Sex Addict:
Despite the film maker's (Caveh Zahedi) honesty and good premise (it's about sex addiction, of course it's going to be entertaining), an uneven narrative sadly brings this film with lots of potential to the level of mediocrity.
Pan's Labyrinth:
I LOVE GRAPES!!!!!!
The Prestige:
Scarlett = wasted! Jackman = British? Strong 2.5 or really weak 3, I can't decide. While the story is skillfully told and doesn't leave any holes whatsoever, I felt the Christian Bale revelation (and how it was told) at the end was a cop out.
This Film is Not Yet Rated:
More like This film is not yet GAY.


American Hardcore:
You know it's bad when "This Film Is Not Yet Rated" is more engaging.
The Descent:
Compliment Sandwich: Atmospheric... Bad Acting... Good old fashion depressed ending... Kinda gay. Best 2 star out of the bunch though!
Grilled:
"It's a big world." "Yeah, don't eat it!"
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny:
More like Tenacious D in A Bad Movie.

Are You Scared:
Yes, there is no question mark in the title. Tetris!
Running With Scissors:
More like Running with A BAD MOVIE!!!!

Grandma's Boy:
Sometimes a comedy comes along that is so painfully unfunny and almost nauseating to sit through - devoid of wit, comedic timing or just one funny joke - that it could pass for being written and directed by mentally disabled orangutan. This is worse than that movie. I wish I had a "no stars" graphic.

---

2005 MOVIES:

9 Songs

The 40 Year Old Virgin

A Hole In My Heart

A History of Violence

The Aristocrats

Assisted Living

Batman Begins

The Baxter

The Best Of Youth

Broken Flowers

Brokeback Mountain

Cache

Capote

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory

Corpse Bride

Crash

Downfall

Enron: The Smartest Guys In the Room

Good Night, and Good Luck

Grizzly Man

Gunner Palace

High Tension

Inside Deep Throat

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Jarhead

Jiminy Glick in LaLa Wood

Land of The Dead

Last Days

March of the Penguins

Me & You & Everyone We Know

Melinda And Melinda

Mojados: Through the Desert

Murderball

My Date With Drew

Mysterious Skin

No Direction Home: Bob Dylan

North Country

Red Eye

Rubber Johnny

Saw II

Sin City

Shopgirl

The Squid and the Whale

Undead

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

War of the Worlds

Waiting...

The Weather Man

The White Diamond

Woody Guthrie: This Machine Kills Fascists

Newest:

Junebug

Match Point

Wedding Crashers

Syriana

Everything Is Illuminated

2005 Numbers Game:
Movie Ratings: 55
 Movies: 1
  Movies: 8
 Movies: 20
  Movies: 17
 Movies: 6
  Movies: 2
 Movies: 0
  Movies: 1
Average Rating: 2.72

The Top Ten Movies of 2005:
1. The Best Of Youth
2. Grizzly Man
3. The Squid and the Whale
4. Brokeback Mountain
5. Last Days
6. Junebug
7. My Date With Drew
8. Broken Flowers
9. Good Night, And Good Luck
10. Melinda and Melinda
Close Calls: Capote, Mysterious Skin, Match Point

The Best Of Youth:
Could I ask for more? No less than a six hour tale of two brothers lives in from 1966-2003 in Italy. Heartache, love and all human emotions run rampant in a movie that bleeds greatness - it's impossbile to ignore while talking about the best films of the decade, let alone 2005.

Brokeback Mountain:
Sporting possibly the years best performance by an actor (Heath Ledger), this movie about gay cowboys could have been this years laughing stock (:cough: Gigli), but instead turned out to be a deeply moving story of love and wasted years. I almost teared at the last scene. Want to make something of it, bitch?
Broken Flowers:
Jim Jarmusch pulls out another winner (and I use a completely generic review phrase) with Broken Flowers: an off beat comedy drama about a man (Bill Murray) who's looking for his son who may or may not exist. Like any good Jarmusch movie, it mixes grief and comedy with eloquence and beautifully captures silence and emotion.
Capote:
Containing a stellar performance by one of Hollywood's most underrated actors Phillip Seymour Hoffman (playing Truman Capote), Capote is the story of Truman going through the process of writing In Cold Blood. With a jarring aura resonating off the screen for nearly two hours and great acting, it's a definite Oscar contender (even though the Oscars are garbage).
Grizzly Man:
Ah yes, getting to the cream of the crop of 2005 films. This Werner Herzog masterpiece documentary on the fall (and eventual death) of Grizzly lover extraordinaire Timothy Treadwell is extremely compelling, and using an ample use of footage Treadwell shot himself makes this hands down the most affecting movie of the year.
Good Night, and Good Luck:
A great black and white piece of cinema focusing on how Edward R. Murrow (David Strathairn) and producer Fred Friendly (George Clooney) tried to bring down the injustice of McCarthyism. Clooney's second directing effort shows he has surprising skill in guiding an array of interesting shots and crafting a taut argument.
Junebug:
Amy Adams is simply precious in a great film about meeting the parents, and among other things, General Lee's massive cock.
Last Days:
Gus Van Sant couldn't have made a more honest portrayal of the final days of a musician/heroin addict (Michael Pitt doing his best Kurt Cobain impression). Critics bashed the film for being to pretentious but, they collectively had their heads of their asses. This is one of those films that stay with you after the car ride home... after you wake up... after you go to work...
The Squid and the Whale:
Who knew divorce could be so funny? (gay line) A Wes Anderson-esque comedy written and directed by Noah Baumbach, this tale of four converging family members (and a cat) is not only laugh out loud funny, but tugs at the heartstrings as well. If there is any justice, the father (Jeff Daniels) will get an Oscar nomination.

The 40 Year Old Virgin:
Steve Carell is a riot at the title character, and the movie plays out with more maturity than one would expect. The ballsy last scene is totally weak and ruins the good streak it had going, but I can't demote it that much since good comedies as rare as being able to find Mungiello a date. TOASTED.
The Aristocrats:
This laugh out loud doc is exclusively on the dirtiest joke in any comics repertoire (if you don't know it, I suggest you find out). Of course the best parts are when comics do their improvisations/renditions of the joke, most notably Bob Saget and Sarah Silverman.
The Baxter:
The best romantic comedy this year because it's not like every other one, Michael Showalter plays a great baxter (the O.K. but not great guy that always gets left in movies). The overall charm of all the characters makes this a pleasing 90 minutes to watch.
Cache:
A solid drama about a married couple who keep getting creepy and anonymous videotapes, this movie works best on the levels of not really knowing what's real, where it's headed towards, and who's telling the truth or not.
Downfall:
Two words: Bruno Ganz. His delineation of Hitler is magnificent and it remains the most impressive part of the picture. If you're looking for a blood and guts WW2 movie, then you won't be able to handle this historically accurate drama (seen through the eyes of his secretary) of one of the most colossal men in history's last years on earth.
Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room:
Intelligent but doesn't boarder on confusing (Dom is just a dumbass), this documentary on the rise and fall of Enron, one of the biggest scandals in the passed 50 years, is extremely well read and, despite its weighty material, is watchable throughout and as entertaining as it is discerning.
Eveything Is Illuminated:
I have heard of this John Holmes. He has premium penis.
High Tension:
One of the best (and delightfully gory) horror films of the passed few years, High Tension plays out like your worst nightmare about a killer on the loose in your conveniently desolate town. Critics would say the film is riddled with plot holes, but they just forgot to watch the last 15 minutes.
Jarhead:
Not your average war film (and that's what makes it good) Jake Gyllenhaal plays real life Anthony Swofford in a movie that chronicles the journey of a war with no battles, just recruits fighting boredom. Solid acting from co-star Peter Sarsgaard and a few heart stopping shots (oil fires, anyone?) rises this film above the level of mediocrity.
Match Point :
While it's very good film with a dynamite ending, it's slighty overrated and, contrary to popular belief, it's not even Woody's best film of the year, let alone since "Crimes and Misdemeanors."
Melinda and Melinda:
Woody Allen strikes again with the great idea of telling the same story from two perspectives: comic and tragic. With Will Farrell playing the surrogate Woody Allen, this ingenious tale rises above the complete mess it could have easily been.
Mojados: Through the Night :
Even with understandably shaky cinematography, I was extremely happy with this documentary that follows four Mexicans trying to get over the American boarder. It did its job: Shedding a crash-course personal insight into what it takes to cross the boarder.
Murderball:
The best sports documentary since Hoop Dreams. In Muderball, (rugby for quadriplegics) the film works on two levels. A sports documentary of course, but more importantly, it hosts many character studies which make you feel for the quads (most notably Mark Zupan) in their journeys on the court as well as in their personal lives.
My Date With Drew:
Winning the award for cutest movie of the year, this fun doc on Brian Herzlinger is about trying to get a date with someone who he has had a crush on all his life: Drew Barrymore. Impressively not coming off as a stalker, after the first five minutes you're rooting for the likable (and hairy) Herzlinger all the way.
Mysterious Skin:
An extremely weighty movie led by good acting, this movie skillfully explores a taboo greatly avoided in cinema: The effects of child molestation. Inexplicably ignored during its theatrical run, this film should have had the impact of Brokeback Mountain.
No Direction Home: Bob Dylan :
Probably the best singer/song writer of the 20th century, this three and a half hour doc mainly looks into Bob Dylan's most influential years (1961-1966, but also delves into his childhood). Even though the first hour stumbles a bit, it's essential viewing for any Dylan fan that peaks at live performances and whenever the wise man is interviewed (Director Martin Scorsese was too scared to interview Dylan himself, coward).
Syriana :
This film was well done and acted with panache blah balh FUCK BUSH LOOK AT WHAT;S HE;S DOING 2 SOCIEIETY BLAH BLAH SENIDG POOR FARM KIDS OFF OT DIE
Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit:
I went in thinking this was just going to be another stupid animated film, but left thinking this is a funny and cute stupid animated film. After leaving this film, I officially got a soft spot for these guys.
The Weather Man:
A Chicago weather man (Nicholas Cage) is a failure at being a father and son, but can be good at telling the weather (if he wants). Mixing black comedy and drama, the screenplay is a winner. And with Cage on board, it's hard to think of many more actors who can make such an unlikeable character likeable.
The White Diamond:
Leave it to Herzog to make two good documentaries in one year. This one is about Dr. Graham Dorrington, who makes a "jungle airship" so he could investigate the rainforests in Guyana. His story is heart breaking (his friend Dieter died in a crash on one they had made). It's unique and behind Herzog's steady hand we get amazing shots of landscapes, and an in-depth character piece all in one.

9 Songs:
Trying to mix porn and art (and less importantly, Antarctica), I felt the movie was very successful at portraying extremely realistic dialogue and sex. However, the film was greatly hampered by the nine concert songs fully played in the movie. Boring. This could have been a very special movie if half the performances were cut out.
A History Of Violence:
Probably the most overrated movie of the year, A History of Violence contains well thought out characters that are acted with talent (Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris). But, even though this movie is all about a Mortensen's depth and complexity, it's hard to get passed what a generic line the story's progression and conclusion walks on.
Assisted Living:
A film about a janitor (Michael Bonsignore) in a nursing home has very compelling characters and was scripted and acted with great detail and class. On merit I would recommend it, but the film maker Elliot Greenebaum inter-cut some documentary footage which ruined the whole feeling of the film, and long, annoying "Arty" shots of objects like senior citizens feet really hampers the pacing as well.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:
Even though the idea to remake this was pretty useless, it is still better than the original. Johnny Depp is solid as Willy Wonka and of course with Tim Burton's direction the colors are a visual delight, but the musical numbers are uniformly bad and ruins the flow of the story line.
Corpse Bride:
The story of a nervous groom accidentally proposing to a corpse is amusing and the stop animation process is one to marvel at. Like the afore mentioned Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Burton is a master with colors and even though the film's primary colors are very dark, it still comes off as stunning. Sadly, also like CATCF, the songs leave a sour taste in your mouth, and a few scenes should have been left on the cutting room floor (even though it's 76 minutes).
Crash:
Affecting but runs like Magnolia-Lite. While containing a good message and fleshed out characters, it can get heavy handed at points. Worst movie to win Best Picture in recent memory.
Gunner Palace:
The idea to go to war and get real footage is fantastic. A lot of the shots are done with grace and I love the insights into some of the soldier lives. Sadly as a movie some shots linger too long, and even though the rap songs in the score are the real soldiers rapping about army life, it's very annoying and inappropriate for the scenes at hand.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:
Very charming with amusing scenes, this could have been a very good movie that's right up my ally. But it gets a little too annoyingly involved and loses some of its steam towards the end. It's hard to lose yourself in the madness when some plot points aren't explained properly.
March of the Penguins:
It's admirable what the crew went through to get this footage, but this documentary on the mating of Penguins in Antarctica should have stayed as what it was originally going to be: A TV movie for a French nature channel.
Me and You and Everyone We Know:
Even though the film is unique and starts off with great promise, the film ends up focusing too much on the divorced dad's children and not enough on his new relationship with a quirky performance artist. Also, scenes with pretentiousness are strewn around the film too much.
Red Eye:
Even though the ending is lackluster and little too Hollywood, Cillian Murphy plays a very good psycho in this taut Wes Craven thriller that largely takes place on a plane. For the most part it works, even if the screenplay gets a little silly.
Rubber Johnny:
The lone short on this list about the neglected whatever the hell Rubber Johnny is, could have been the masterpiece that super-director Chris Cunningham wanted it to be. It creates a great creepy aura, but ends up evolving into a goofy music video with laser beams shooting out of hands.
Sin City:
This comic book adaptation directed by Robert Rodriguez has the making of a good movie (great style and solid directing) but what is comes down to simply is, for all the style here, there is no shed of substance whatsoever.
Shopgirl:
An interesting idea with a solid adaptation from Steve Martin's novella, this movie had good potential (and always shined with Jason Schwartzman was onscreen) but it contains too much voice over narration from Martin, and the overall structure leads the ending to be anti-climactic.
Waiting...:
It's funny because you get to see Luis Guzman's balls, and Ryan Reynolds' swagger is irresistible. The downside though is... uh... the rest of the screenplay. It gets a few points for almost looking like a mockumentary, though.
War Of The Worlds:
With surprisingly good chaotic action scenes, and Tom Cruise playing a believable New Jersey father, I would almost be able to recommend this, if it wasn't for the improbably mushy Spielbergian happy ending.
Wedding Crashers:
Vince Vaughn is energetic and funny through the movie, but sadly no one else is; the usually reliable Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams fall flat. Not to mention it's 30 minutes too long... and how many times has the wacky expletive usuing grandma schtick been used before?
Woody Guthrie: This Machine Kills Fascists:
Woody Guthrie was a mythical character and extremely deserving of a documentary. It tells his sad story interestingly enough, and goes into a good amount of detail, but at three hours it runs long and there is too much input from various historians who never met the great man himself.

Jiminy Glick in La La Wood :
John Michael Higgins is fall down funny as, whatever he was, but this largely improvised movie about Jiminy Glick's rise to fame/murder mystery at the Toronto film festival has too many whimpering jokes, a sloppy execution of the whole mystery plot line, and the best part of the movie was shoved in the middle (an interview with Kurt Russell).
Inside Deep Throat:
While it plays out like a normal documentary should (and has the always great John Waters as an interviewee), this movie wins the prize for most useless movie of the year. It wasn't engaging, went off on tangents, and tried to play it off that Deep Throat was something bigger than it actually was.
Land Of The Dead :
The biggest personal disappointment of the year, Land Of The Dead, could have been a great edition to the classic Romero "of the dead" trilogy, but instead relied on mediocre satire and cliche scare tactics rather than a solid screenplay.
North Country:
The performances of Charlize Theron and Woody Harrelson are good, but the direction is off, and falls flat on its face as a horribly generic bio-pic, complete with countless cliches. The worst? The "climax" courtroom scene, complete with the defendant breaking down, admitting he was lying, and crying.
Undead:
While the movie starts out with promise having the charm of an early Peter Jackson horror film and the score seemingly out of a classic b-movie from the 60's, the movie comes to an entertaining halt when it gets serious, and when plot intricacies aren’t explained as well as they should have been.

Batman Begins:
The look of the film is titillating but the film contains every action scene I've seen before, every superhero phrase I've ever heard before, and every ending I've ever seen before. Christopher Nolan could have breathed a lot of life into the series, but instead just improved upon the Joel Schumacher movies. (Backhanded compliment alert).
Saw II:
While the immature teenager in me lauded some of the cool killings in this film, it all doesn't amount to more than a bad movie with bad acting (Donnie Wahlberg, a joke), a bad screenplay (Darren Lynn Bousman & Leigh Whannell) ...well, mostly bad everything. Thanks Lion's Gate!

A Hole In My Heart:
Studio Executive: "Hey, Lukas Moodysson just left me a great message! He wants to make a movie that sounds fantastic! Here's the scoop: A father will make a violent porn film in his house with his two friends Eric and Tess while his son rambles on incessantly about ugly things that are beautiful. Then we'll cut back to the porn shoot, have the dad and Eric break shit, have a food fight, then the climax will be Eric puking in Tess' mouth! And the best part of it all? It'll be improvised! Brilliant! Let's start shooting next week!"

---

2004 MOVIES:

13 Going on 30

A Dirty Shame

Alien vs. Predator

Anchorman

The Aviator

The Brown Bunny

The Butterfly Effect

Closer

Coffee and Cigarettes

Dawn Of The Dead

The Day After Tomorrow

Dogville

The Dreamers

Eternal Sunshine

Exorcist: The Beginning

Fahrenheit 9/11

FahrenHYPE 9/11

Finding Neverland

The Five Obstructions

Garden State

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle

Hotel Rwanda

I, Robot

I ♥ Huckabees

The Incredibles

Jersey Girl

Kill Bill 2

The Life and Death of Peter Sellers

The Life Aquatic

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

The Machinst

Maria Full Of Grace

Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster

Million Dollar Baby

Napoleon Dynamite

The Notebook

Open Water

The Passion Of The Christ

Primer

Ray

Saved!

Saw

Shaun Of The Dead

Sideways

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Spanglish

Spider Man 2

Spider Man 2

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

The Stepford Wives

Super Size Me

Team America: World Police

The Terminal

The United States Of Leland

2004 Numbers Game:
Movie Ratings: 53
 Movies: 0
  Movies: 5
 Movies: 21
  Movies: 10
 Movies: 11
  Movies: 5
 Movies: 1
  Movies: 0
Average Rating: 2.57

The Top Ten Movies of 2004:
1. Dogville
2. Shaun Of The Dead
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster
5. I ♥ Huckabees
6. The Incredibles
7. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
8. The Brown Bunny
9. The Dreamers
10. Coffee and Cigarettes
Close Calls: Sideways, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, Super Size Me

Dogville:
Originally Lars von Trier wanted Nicole Kidman on her hands and knees in the rape scene with Stellan Skarsgard, but because of her bad knee, they had to change it to a more comfy position for her.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
I think your name is magical.
The Incredibles:
On November 5th... Expect The Incredible, Twice the hero he used to be, No gut? No glory, Sock'er Mom.
Metallica: Some Kind of Monster:
Lars Ulrich: See this right here? This makes my dick hard.
Shaun of the Dead:
Don't forget to kill Philip!

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy:
Milk was a bad choice lololoo
The Aviator:
More like The GAYviator!!!
The Brown Bunny:
More like The Brown SHIT!!!
Closer:
wait have 2 type with 1 hand am cumming right now...
Coffee and Cigarettes:
Bill Groundhog-Day, Ghostbustin'-ass Murray!
The Dreamers:
A) Pure Bertolucci. B) Director Bernardo Bertolucci was so impressed how the actors so naturally acted naked, he penned an uncredited lengthy extra scene in the script where all three main actors are overtly nude. It ended up on the cutting room floor.
The Five Obstructions:
Piec nieczystych zagran - Poland title.
Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle:
Bullets - my only weakness! How did you know?
Hotel Rwanda:
Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking? There are various scenes where people are offered and drink alcoholic beverages.
I ♥ Huckabees:
Shania hates mayo all right, and she can't eat chicken salad, that's no joke. We gave it to her once, she threw up in the limo - the lady hates chicken salad. So I bring out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches - she still doesn't believe me - I say, "Shania, I'm allergic to mayo" - which, by the way, is a lie. Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it. So she eats one and a half sandwiches, one and a half sandwiches... before she realizes it's chicken salad!
Kill Bill 2:
The lioness has rejoined her cub, and all is right in the jungle.
The Life and Death of Peter Sellers:
Oh God, I haven't felt leather like this on my thighs since the Third Reich.
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou:
Sorry about that. You caught me with one foot off the merry-go-round tonight.
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra:
Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?
The Machinist:
The diet during Christian Bale's 63 pound weight loss consisted of one can of tuna and an apple per day.
Maria Full Of Grace:
More like Maria Full of GAYS!!!
Primer:
WTF??? I dunt get it!!!!????
Saved!:
All the prom songs performed by the Christian rock band were actually by The Replacements.
Sideways:
In search of wine. In search of women. In search of... themselves. And gays.
Super Size Me:
There is a big, knappy hair in my sundae.
Team America: World Police:
Gary, if for some reason your cover is blown, and the terrorists take you prisoner, well, you'll probably want to take your own life. Here, you'd better have this.[hands Gary a hammer]

Dawn Of The Dead:
This wasn't quite the dawn of a new era for horror films!
Fahrenheit 9/11:
Neil Cavuto: Am I slanted and biased? You damn well bet I am!
Garden State:
Since when did gay people start drinking straight people drinks?
Million Dollar Baby:
More like Million Dollar GAYby!!!
Napoleon Dynamite:
Tina, come get some ham!!!lol!!lol!!1
The Notebook:
I cried ;-(
Open Water:
As the credits roll, a fisherman guts a dead shark. As he sorts through the contents of its stomach, he finds Susan and Daniel's yellow camera. OMG!!!!!!!
The Passion Of The Christ:
Ouch! My body!
Saw:
Plot Keywords: Wife
The Terminal:
I have nothing to say or copy/paste.

13 Going On 30:
Plot Keywords: Digits In Title.
A Dirty Shame:
It's not safe out! People are shaving their crotches as we speak. There is pubic hair in the air! Everywhere!
The Butterfly Effect:
Tagline: Verändere die Zukunft, durch die Vergangenheit
The Day After Tomorrow:
More like The GAY After Tomorrow!
FahrenHYPE 9/11:
Criticizing Michael Moore then succumbing to all the tactics he uses in his films? D'oh!
Finding Neverland:
I won't be finding myself re-watching this anytime soon!
I, Robot:
WILHELM SCREAM: A random police officer when the NS-5's attack the police station.
Jersey Girl:
Toby Mastallone (Jami Gertz) wants to trade her local diner for upmarket dates in Manhattan. But what is a New Jersey schoolteacher who longs to look 'like a city girl' to do? Ever resourceful, she decides to collide her battered VW into the brand new Mercedes belonging to Sal (McDermott). Will her plan work? What secrets are hiding beneath Sal's slick yuppie exterior? And what will her loyal friends say?
Spanglish:
Liver and Onions! GROSS!
Spider Man 2:
Plot Keywords: Flipping Car | Fighting In The Air
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow:
[After Polly's faulty directions nearly crash them into a building] Joe 'Sky Captain' Sullivan: Some shortcut!

Alien vs. Predator:
Actress Sigourney Weaver, who starred as Ellen Ripley in the Alien series, said she was happy not to be in the film, as a possible crossover was "the reason I wanted my character to die in the first place", and thought the AvP concept "sounded awful."
Exorcist: The Beginning:
Almost 90% of the movie was re-shot and at least two characters have been dropped from Paul Schrader's version of the movie. Following the lackluster reception to the second (Harlin's) version, Schrader's original version was finally released as Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005).
Ray:
More like GAY!!!!!!
The Stepford Wives:
Author: Moconnell: 8/10 "laughed hard, as did a very full theater!"
The United States of Leland:
What???

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie:
What???

That's all folks. Goodnight sweet prince.....

Email: mungy873@yahoo.com